Death. . . .

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Dakota-Sunset's avatar
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Death. One syllable, five letters, and one meaning.

         The thought of death usually escapes people. They don't really think much of it until someone they know passes. Death sometimes scares people when they *really* think hard about it.  With some others they just think it's too soon for that, no one will pass this early. But death can happen anytime, anywhere, with anyone. It doesn't matter what race, religion, or orientation you are, it can happen anytime.

  Everyone has to go through losing someone that's close to them in their life. It's inevitable. It's going to happen sooner or later. But yet even when we know it's going to happen, we still don't see it coming. Some people just cross it out of their minds until it actually happens, which by then it can be too late to tell someone how you actually feel about them.
   Some people take others for granted. They don't really know what's there until it's gone. And that right there can be a real eye opener and a big kick in the ass. You take life more seriously and realize you have to make the most out of your life and have to say how you feel cause you might not get that chance again. And you'd wish with all your heart that you could get one more chance just to tell them. And let them know how much you really care. But no matter how much you hope, how much you wish, or how much you'd give for that chance, nothing can change what happened. And that's what kills you inside the most. Knowing you'll never be able to tell them you love them and would do anything for them ever again. Knowing they might not have known how much you cared for them and how much you would do for them.

   After someone loses someone else it's usually very hard. You're not really sure what to feel or what you are feeling but you know it's something you had hoped to never feel for a long time.
        You feel sad, scared, helpless, and angry.
          You're angry because you feel as though somehow you could have prevented it and you blame yourself. And you know you'll never be able to do anything with them again, and you hope you'll just see them walking down the street sometime but you know you won't. Yet a part of you, a small part of you, is thinking that maybe, just maybe you would.  
          You feel sad because no matter how much of a part of your life they were they still affected it. And you wish you had spent more time with them and had told them how much they meant to you.
          You feel scared because you don't want to lose anyone else who may be a bigger part in your life. You care too much about them and don't want to have to go through it again and lose someone you care so deeply about.
          You feel helpless because even if you didn't know the person personally you wish you could take this pain away from everyone else who knew them. And you think to yourself you have to be strong for them because they need someone to look after them as well. And you don't know what to say about anything about it so the only thing you say is "I'm sorry" when really you shouldn't be because it's something beyond your control. And they know you mean well and they know there's nothing you can do about it as well as you but you say it anyways just to be nice.

            Life can made and taken away just as easily. It's something we have no power over if it comes natural. We just have to be ready to deal with it  . . .

  But when someone you know and deeply care about commits suicide...that's a different story.

    
You can feel so scared. If they didn't leave a note you can be so confused and scared and you think to yourself you could've helped them. You blame yourself because you think if you only had paid more attention to them then maybe this could have been prevented. You think the death is your fault. But in reality it's not. You're not to blame for any of it. They had the choice to go to someone but they didn't. They had a choice to kill themselves and they chose to, they could've told someone how bad they were feeling but they didn't. They kept it bottled up because they wanted everyone to think how strong they are and how they don't need anyone. But they do. Everyone needs someone at some point in their life. Whether they admit it or not.  No one can always be brave. Someone needs help at some point.

          You question everything about it. Why did this happen? Why didn't they talk to me? Why didn't I pay more attention? Those questions may not ever be answered but sometimes it's for the best. It'll drive you insane to try and figure out the answers but no one knows everything. And sometimes that can be a good thing because you may not like the answer.
          It's not something easy to get over and you don't have and shouldn't try to get over it quickly. It takes time.  Never rush yourself to get over it.  Everyone knows it's not simple to get over something as big as this. It'll be hard to get over it, and it'll take a while. But take as much time as you need to recover. Don't ever feel as though you need to hurry up and get it over with or that you shouldn't still feel this way even though it's been months. It all takes time.


And I know planning the funeral and viewing just reminds you of what happened but it has to be done sometime. It doesn't make it easier, especially if it's not even a week later, but it has to be done.  Planning the funeral would be hard. Very hard for you. It won't make anything easier for you and it'll be very difficult to do, but it has to be done.
© 2009 - 2024 Dakota-Sunset
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ChronoMagnus's avatar
I'm so sorry sweetheart :(